Face to face with a dreaded possibility, I started to wonder, “Could I go on if the diagnosis was cancer?” The first step would be the initial operation to remove the tumor, then a biopsy to determine whether the growth is benign or malignant. If malignant, the next step would likely be chemotherapy.

This means overcoming two sets of fears. One, could I deal with “going under the knife”? Two, could I deal with the side effects of treatment? Sickness, losing hair, general sluggishness? Paint whatever picture you’d like, though the outcome may eventually be rosy, the path to the light is very dark. Could I do it?

Probably not. In the interest of full disclosure, let me state that I am single and I do not have children. Though I have friends, family, and loved ones that I believe might miss me, there is no one that is dependent on me.

To some, stating this opinion is an insult. They remember the loved ones they watched battle a disease and live to enjoy more rich and happy years. People in the medical profession might consider my lack of faith foolish. While I won’t begrudge anyone their opinion, I have to say that the current set of options out there are not to my liking. Sitting in a hospital or treatment facility while pieces of me are tossed into a slop bucket in not the life I want to lead. Watching myself deteriorate while pulling out clumps of hair, all the while being told “it’s for your own good”, is not a pleasant picture.

Thankfully, that is not a question I had to answer. The MRI came back confirming that there was no tumor, my spinal cord is intact, and there is no impingement on any of my nerves. Long story short, I lucked up. It has been a few weeks, and with painkillers and muscle relaxers I am comfortably on the mend.

…or am I?

Related Links:
American Cancer Society
National Cancer Institute
Lance Armstrong Foundation Cancer Support